....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
