just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
