seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
