The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
there is glitter all over my balls
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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