...so i touched it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
