Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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