his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
