stop calling my apartment porn island.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize