Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
