im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
