I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
