Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
