i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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