I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
