I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
