btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
