fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
