Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
