put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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