Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
