Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
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