yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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