the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
