oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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