Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
