we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
