my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
