I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
