I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I didn't notice because vodka
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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