He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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