Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
