whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
