ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
