A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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