the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
