Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
