Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
