The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
