I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
