actually, I'm a sock model
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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