I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
