she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
