wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
