so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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