Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
