She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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