the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
