i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
