just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
