Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
