"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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