my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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