Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
