my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
