dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
