I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
