do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it was like eating out sand paper
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
