my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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