the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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