my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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