At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
