i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Come on in and take your pants off
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