I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
