I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
