i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
