you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
