Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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