im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
