yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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