Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
