If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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