Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
