There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he quoted the bible to break up with me
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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