Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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