Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
