it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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