Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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