Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
