He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
ttyl tear gas
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize