There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
