After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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