Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
