My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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