Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
