I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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