All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
