This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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