It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
