i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
