those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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