Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
