I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
