even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
