YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
