Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
