My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize