you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
