Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize