so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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