i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
