so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
