There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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