I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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