she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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