Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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